See it as Kindness

It is easy to forget that everything we do, say, hear and experience is coloured by our past experiences and interpretation. This means it is easy to feel angry, hurt, excluded, undermined or devalued by the actions and words of others. Even if that was never their intention.

Imagine you have been explicitly told that you are not pretty. Someone has reinforced this for you enough for it to stick. So now you view yourself with this unkindness. Now imagine a scenario where someone innocently says “wow, look at how your freckles have come out in the sun!”. This could be delivered with a multitude of intents. But your life lenses are smeared with the preconceptions of the past. You hear “wow (euuurrrgghh) look at how your freckles (ugly freckles) have come out (made you look ugly) in the sun (you shouldn’t go out in the sun)”. 

Your own internal monologue filled in the implications. Your vulnerability lead you to hear the attack in those words. 

Now you feel hurt. You’re crying because of a twitter thread or blog post or passing comment. Your hurt is very real..... but it might not have been inflicted by the person making the comment. You might just be hurting yourself. 

Let’s try looking at this through a lens of kindness. Ok, So it’s clear that some people just aren’t great at practising “kind” but I honestly believe the number of people who genuinely set out to reduce someone to miserable tears is few and far between. There’s not a huge amount of “gain” in it. 
Some people might not be being super lovely, wonderful, shiny kind. Possibly they’re being a bit grouchy. Irritable. Impatient. Are they actively TRYING to hurt you though? 

Maybe. But that part is within your control. Re-read the message. Consider. View it with kindness. 

At best you may see a gorgeous dollop of kindness there that you may otherwise have missed. 

At worst your response will be dignified and you will have shielded yourself from harmful intent a little. 

Oh and you will be sending all the more kindness out into the world for others to see and colour their experiences with! 


WINNER!!!!

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