Teaching Kindness

 

Can kindness be taught? Or is it inherent behaviour? Are people born to be kind and others born lacking. Studies in child development show that nurture plays as big as, if not greater, role than nature in this debate.

Studies into primates suggest that humans are unique in their receipt of reward chemicals upon showing kindness.

This may be an evolutionary gain. Perhaps, when we lived in groups, the need to protect & work together led to an instinctive reward when we demonstrated these behaviours. We developed “Human Kindness”.

The question is...... is kindness devolving now we are a more fragmented society? The need to protect, share and collaborate has, to an extent, been replaced by a competitive, individualistic society where each person’s needs are prioritised above the greater good.

Do we, therefore, need to start teaching kindness? Can we?

Most of our learned behaviours come through mimicry and imitation. Babies watch their mothers mouths form sounds, they listen, they learn.

So perhaps kindness can be taught this way? Overt demonstrations. I have actively promoted kindness in schools using RAK projects, daily kindness messages, PSHE content and I would say there is a definite increase in the use of kindness as a currency.

That said........

Was it only visible in those students who were already predisposed to be kind? Did I simply inspire kind people to do more?

Paul Dix says that your mantra must fall from your lips and the lips of your learners. I wonder how many speak kindness? How many students recognise what kindness is and how to show it?

I used to ask students to answer the register with one kind thing they were going to do for someone that day. It was astounding how many students simply couldn’t think of anything. More astounding how many would say “help my teacher” and then leave the room without clearing away. When I called them back I would explain that a simple act such as putting a chair in or picking up litter could improve my day. They seemed unaware of the impact that such a small decision on their part could have on others.

These weren’t unkind people! They just didn’t know what little kindnesses looked like. Maybe we assume too much about our learners.

In a world where their human interaction is limited and curtailed by pressure, technology, parental work commitments and safety concerns how are young people meant to be exposed to kindness unless the main influencing adults in their lives go out of their way to model it.

So, I say, we can teach kindness. It may require more effort with some than others and it will require honesty and openness about human nature - we are all apt to fail.

But try this:

- Ask a learner what kindness means to them
- Ask them what the last kind thing they did was
- Ask then who the kindness person in your school is
- Ask them why they think that
- Ask them how they think we can all be more kind
- Ask them what they’re going to do to be kind today


Then repeat tomorrow. In the meantime:

- make an extra cup of tea in the morning for a colleague.
- randomly take someone’s duty if they seem like they need it
- put fresh flowers on someone’s desk
- leave grateful/positive post it’s for people
- bring biscuits for the staffroom
- smile and ask how people are. If you can, take time to listen properly.
- reward the kindness you see with warmth and gratitude.
- repay the kindness you receive by paying it forward!

Let me know your results!