Kindness in extremis

When we are low, panicked, stressed or overwhelmed it is only natural that our focus is drawn back to what is important: us. Our own opinion, our own feelings. Things in life go wrong. Big things, small things. The shift of equilibrium can leave us feeling unsettled and this can provoke responses that are less considered, less kind.

So what can we do? How do we curb the reaction that makes us snap or bitch? How do we let go of the surge of anger that fear often ignites?

First things first:

DON’T
- Turn it inwards. Being kind, as I am learning, MUST include kindness towards yourself. 
- Repress. It will seep out somehow and if you store it up it will become noxious. 
- Excuse it as acceptable by claiming it is something it’s not: a mere joke, a misunderstanding. 
- Be frightened or ashamed. No one is kind all the time. Imagine how horrific a person who was ALWAYS nice would be?!?! Gah! 

DO

- Try and find a suitable outlet. Maybe, if you’re creative, writing or music. Perhaps sport or competitive activities.

- Acknowledge the feeling. If you’re angry, you’re angry. If you’re sensitive, you’re sensitive. 

- Forewarn people where possible. Again, not byexcusing it. You can say “I’m feeling on edge and snappy” without saying “I’m just being honest and you deserve this”. One is kind. One is brutaland should only be used in very select situations. 

- Apologise with sincerity. We are all unkind sometimes. Even to ourselves. Apologise and mean it. If that means looking in the mirror and saying “sorry for being so shitty today. It was uncalled for. You are alright!”

We cannot rid ourselves of the gut reactions thatmake us lash out. We cannot always prevent weaker moments when we let our natural cruelty seep through. We can TRY to be kinder. If everyone simply tried a little more it would change so much. Your reactions are the wings of butterflies. They launch a thousand other possibilities. Try to launch them in the right direction wherever you can. Even when life is tough. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Kind to be kind

Being cruel to be kind. An oxymoron? An excuse for venting? Bullying? A genuine misapprehension? Whatever the motivation behind the act of cruelty the impact resonates for longer than many of us understand. What is simply an aside or casual decision on the part of the perpetrator can be the final knock to a fragile self esteem or the trauma point that reasserts again and again in someone’s life.  I wish I could, with all conscience, say that I have chosen my words and actions so carefully that I have never been cruel, but it is simply not true. I have allowed petty gripes to manifest as damaging comments and my own perceptions to draw poison from my responses.  I have been swept up by the momentum of the great, all enslaving staff room “moan”.  So, it is whilst wearing the cap of a hypocrite that I ask this......  Why is it so hard to be kind in order to be kind?  Why do we need the cruelty? Where does this desire to hurt, impact, belittle come from?  Is
Read more

My last ever blog

My voice Less than a week: That’s how long my crime reference number was in my possession and valid. 11 months: that’s how long I carried a secret that poisoned me. The rest of my life: that’s how long this will stay with me.  Less than two days: that’s how much time it took for people to insinuate I might not be being truthful.  Less than a week: that’s how long it took for this country and it’s legal system to let down yet another vulnerable, scared person who thought that coming forward was the “Right” thing to do.  Let me explain a little of my experience. Actually, first, let me explain a little about me.  I am, fundamentally, a good person. I strive for kindness in all I do. I try to help, to care, to nurture. My core beliefs and driving forces are empathy and fairness.  I always believed that empathy was the strongest influencer. I was wrong.  My sense of fairness gave me the strength to speak about something that turns my stomach, something which makes me w
Read more

Teaching Kindness

Image
  Can kindness be taught? Or is it inherent behaviour? Are people born to be kind and others born lacking. Studies in child development show that nurture plays as big as, if not greater, role than nature in this debate. Studies into primates suggest that humans are unique in their receipt of reward chemicals upon showing kindness. This may be an evolutionary gain. Perhaps, when we lived in groups, the need to protect & work together led to an instinctive reward when we demonstrated these behaviours. We developed “Human Kindness”. The question is...... is kindness devolving now we are a more fragmented society? The need to protect, share and collaborate has, to an extent, been replaced by a competitive, individualistic society where each person’s needs are prioritised above the greater good. Do we, therefore, need to start teaching kindness? Can we? Most of our learned behaviours come through mimicry and imitation. Babies watch their mothers mouths form sounds, they l
Read more