Kindness in extremis

When we are low, panicked, stressed or overwhelmed it is only natural that our focus is drawn back to what is important: us. Our own opinion, our own feelings. Things in life go wrong. Big things, small things. The shift of equilibrium can leave us feeling unsettled and this can provoke responses that are less considered, less kind.

So what can we do? How do we curb the reaction that makes us snap or bitch? How do we let go of the surge of anger that fear often ignites?

First things first:

DON’T
- Turn it inwards. Being kind, as I am learning, MUST include kindness towards yourself. 
- Repress. It will seep out somehow and if you store it up it will become noxious. 
- Excuse it as acceptable by claiming it is something it’s not: a mere joke, a misunderstanding. 
- Be frightened or ashamed. No one is kind all the time. Imagine how horrific a person who was ALWAYS nice would be?!?! Gah! 

DO

- Try and find a suitable outlet. Maybe, if you’re creative, writing or music. Perhaps sport or competitive activities.

- Acknowledge the feeling. If you’re angry, you’re angry. If you’re sensitive, you’re sensitive. 

- Forewarn people where possible. Again, not byexcusing it. You can say “I’m feeling on edge and snappy” without saying “I’m just being honest and you deserve this”. One is kind. One is brutaland should only be used in very select situations. 

- Apologise with sincerity. We are all unkind sometimes. Even to ourselves. Apologise and mean it. If that means looking in the mirror and saying “sorry for being so shitty today. It was uncalled for. You are alright!”

We cannot rid ourselves of the gut reactions thatmake us lash out. We cannot always prevent weaker moments when we let our natural cruelty seep through. We can TRY to be kinder. If everyone simply tried a little more it would change so much. Your reactions are the wings of butterflies. They launch a thousand other possibilities. Try to launch them in the right direction wherever you can. Even when life is tough. 

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