The curates egg of feeling “too” much

 

Have you ever read a book that made you sob uncontrollably? Watched a film that left you weeping with abandon?......

Felt the unhappiness of another person pour into you like rain from a gutter into an overflow barrel?

Yeah. That last one is less common. Especially when that person might be a complete stranger or even someone that you really don’t WANT to feel anything for. 

I have never really worked out if it is an extraordinary privilege or horrendous curse to be an empath. 

There are distinct pros to it. 

• We build relationships quickly and strongly
• We are natural “helpers”
• We find beauty in the most unusual and dark places
• We draw people together with our ability to read the needs and wants of others
• We are excellent “mimics” and actors having become chameleon-like and canny in our attempts to people please, blend in & not upset people
• We have an affinity with the world around us that often translates as creativity
• We are self reflective and constantly adapting, as versatile and innovative as a chimera - heading up evolution perhaps? 
• Despite the above points we tend to have humility and modesty (honest!)

With these wonderful attributes comes a side order of “well that’s a bit crappy!”:

• We get hurt BADLY and oh so easily
• We love too quickly 
• We are dreadful liars as our emotions are often bubbling just under the surface for all to read. 
• We trust where we shouldn’t and are often abused/taken advantage of
• Emotion is PAINFUL for us. Even positive emotions have a physical manifestation within us. 
• We exhaust easily and are drained from channeling our own emotions and the thoughts and feelings of others 
• We feel guilt, anxiety and worry CONTINUOUSLY (did i upset that person? Do they hate me? Was that my fault? Could I have done more/different? Will they like me?)
• We can be desperately lonely. Despite having loved ones we often feel “abnormal” or “different” This is even after our attempts at social camouflaging. 
• People mistrust our sincerity. The openness of an empath isn’t a trick. They give themselves to help others and leave themselves vulnerable. To some this seems so unlikely, so utterly alien that they suspect ulterior, sometimes sinister, motives. But there is no false play. Most empaths  just don’t have the same emotional boundaries as the rest of humanity and so it can seem “odd”.
• We lose our identity. A lifetime of pleasing others, doing what makes “everyone” happy can strip an empath of any core understanding of who they are, where they belong and what their real purpose is. This, combined with fatigue and loneliness, can be fatal. 

There are days when being me is the most incredible adventure! When the sky is vibrant, sounds are beautifully clear and positive emotions swell through me like bubbles travelling through champagne. 

There are days when I feel raw. Like the world has acerbically stripped me off all resilience and I’m drowned by heavy, suppressive feelings that seem to immense to carry. 

Would I change being me? Being an empath? 

It depends on the day you ask me on! 

Until I can better shield, better protect myself I shall attempt to surround myself with as much kindness and compassion as possible in order to limit those unbearable moments and better savour the effervescence of the wonderful days! I shall draw strength from goodness and, in turn, pass that goodness back to those most deserving and in need.