Keeping it Kind

People often assume that to be kind means we are “nice”. It is simply not true. One is an action or intent born of genuine care for ourselves and others. The other is a people pleasing approach that can encourage inequality, unfairness and bullying.  Being kind does not mean turning a blind eye to unpleasantness. It does not mean ignoring the damaging actions of individuals or groups.  Being kind can sometimes mean being strongly, firmly in opposition to something. We must make sure though that we are not drawn into nastiness, griping and unkindness by the attitudes and provocation of other people.  This is much easier said than done.  I find the best way is to tackle the behaviour rather than the perpetrators. Rather than: “You are a liar and unpleasant. You do and say horrible things” Instead I approach it as: “Lying is a slippery slope. As is unnecessary unpleasantness. If everyone thought before commenting then the world would be far mor...

Of course I am unkind sometimes!! I would be inhuman if I didn’t experience flashes of resentment, anger, frustration, envy and other negative emotions. In many ways I am “lucky” though, in that my ability to project kindness outwards is greater because often I turn many negative emotions inwards. The negative aspects of this are huge. At my core I am kind but in being unpleasant to myself I am reinforcing a behaviour pattern that I do not like. So what can I do? Firstly..... Kindness does not mean allowing others to do as they please all the time. You can have boundaries, hold others accountable and still do it kindly. Get your boundaries in place and be kind but firm. Secondly.... Start with you. Treat yourself as an un nurtured bird. Your wings are weakened from lack of sustenance and your throat is sore from singing for the pleasure of others. Use your voice to say good things about yourself. This is not egotism or narcissistic. It is fairness. You are not deservin...